How People Twist Arguments: Fallacies, Gaslighting, and Double Standards

ABSTRACT

People sometimes use tricks like false fallacies and gaslighting to "win" arguments. This post explains how these tactics work and how to identify them, so you can avoid being drawn into unfair debates.

Fallacies and Gaslighting: How People Twist Arguments Without You Noticing

Have you ever been in a debate where the other person acts as if they "won," even though nothing they said made sense? If so, you probably ran into something called fallacies or even gaslighting. These are tools people use when they don't want to be fair. Instead of talking honestly, they try to confuse you or make you doubt what you know. You know how, in an argument, sometimes people avoid the real issue? Instead of being straight with you, they might try to trip you up with confusing points or make you question your own facts.

Let's look at one of the most common tricks: the "you weren't there" card.

You've probably heard it before: "You don't know for sure—you weren't there." At first, it seems like a killer point that shuts down the conversation. But if you think about it, it's actually a pretty weak move. It's a way of saying that your perspective doesn't count unless you witnessed something personally. What they're really saying is that the only way to know something is accurate is to have seen it with your own eyes. If that were true, none of us could learn history, science, or even know what's happening in a different city.

This is a fallacy because it attacks your experience instead of discussing the actual issue. It's meant to shut you down, not move the conversation forward.

Using Their Own Tactic Against Them… and Why They Hate It

Here's the funny thing: people who use these tricks do not like it when you use the same tactic back at them. If someone says, "You don't know because you weren't there," and you reply, "Well, then you don't know either," they suddenly become upset. Why? Because the tactic was never meant to be fair. It was only meant to control the conversation. They want a rule that works only for you, not for them. Once they feel their own tactic has turned against them, they back away or change the subject. This is usually a sign that the tactic wasn't honest to begin with.

”They Both Do It" — The False Balance Fallacy

Another trick is when someone claims, "Both sides do X." Maybe both sides do do something, but here's the real question: who does it more, and how often? Saying "both sides do it" sounds equal, but it can hide the real imbalance. It's like saying, "Both kids broke rules," when one kid forgot to turn in homework and the other lit the cafeteria on fire.

This is a fallacy because it avoids the actual scale of the problem. Bad actions aren't automatically equal just because they appear on both sides. Without context, this phrase becomes a shield to protect whichever side the person prefers.

” It's Bad When They Do It, But Fine When We Do It" — Hypocrisy as a Strategy

One of the most common tricks is when someone insists something is terrible when the "other side" does it, but suddenly becomes completely justified when their side does the same thing. This isn't logic — this is team loyalty. And while loyalty can feel good, it doesn't make an argument accurate. When you point this out, expect pushback. People hate being reminded that they're applying two sets of rules. They may deny it, get defensive, or even try to change the topic.

Gaslighting: Making You Doubt Reality

Gaslighting occurs when someone attempts to make you doubt what you saw or heard. For example:

They deny they said something even when you remember it clearly.

They tell you your feelings don't make sense.

They act like you're the unreasonable one for noticing a contradiction.

Gaslighting is powerful because it makes you question yourself. And if you're too busy doubting your own memory, you can't focus on the real issue.

How to Spot (and Stop) These Tricks

Here are a few simple ways to stay grounded:

1. Ask for specifics.
2. ” Both sides do it" isn't enough — ask how much and how often.
3. Please stick to the facts, not their emotions.
4. If someone gets mad because you pointed out their double standard, that's on them.
5. Don't let them shift the rules mid-conversation.
6. If a rule applies to you, it should apply to them.
7. Trust your memory and common sense.
8. If something feels off, look closer.

Final Thoughts

Arguments don't have to be battles. However, when people employ fallacies or gaslighting, it becomes impossible to have a fair and honest discussion. Learning to spot these tricks helps you stay calm, confident, and in control — no matter how hard someone tries to twist things.

© 2025 Tim Jackson. All Rights Reserved.